Thursday, September 1, 2016

It Was Miserable

As a full time working mom there were so many things that I was unable to do although I was monetarily contributing to the household income.  I remember the week before I quit my job looking at my bank account and thinking how much I loved having the cushion and the flexibility to buy what I wanted when I wanted and not have to talk it over.  I bought Kyle a TV for Christmas one year and an Xbox 360 another.  I enjoyed spoiling Emma and purchasing things for my family when the need arose.  
But I also remember how stressed out I was.  How much I hated my job.  How much I hated being away from my daughter and trying to keep up with the housekeeping and put nutritious food on the table.  I remember feeling trapped.  Yes, it was nice to have money but at what cost?  My sanity?  Probably not worth it.  
So I quit.  I gave my notice and less than 2 weeks later I was finished.  
My bank account currently has the least amount it has ever had in it.  I no longer can just buy what I want or spoil the girls or buy Kyle the latest and greatest.  We now have to talk about finances and talk about expenses and talk about budgets.  It's all... rather depressing.  
But, there is an upside.  While not contributing to the budget monetarily there are things we are saving money on - such as full time day care, housekeeping, eating out (I cook now!) and take out.  We save on gas since I'm no longer commuting.  
Being a stay at home mom has it's own issues but I think every mom, whether working or not, has to deal with their own.  I felt guilty and frustrated not being able to be home.  I felt guilt and frustrated not being able to give 100% of myself to my job in the way I once had.  I felt like I was constantly calling into work.  Kyle traveled a lot the first year we had Emma and I remember she always seemed to get sick the day or two after he was gone.  It was miserable.  
Remember that there are two sides to every coin.  Having money verses not having money can be a difficult pill to swallow. Sometimes it is easier to let go of something if you have no other option - which is how I felt at the time.   No matter what stage of life you are in or where you decide to devote yourself or how you contribute to the family, it is important to remember that you are still contributing.  

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