Fall Expectations

I'm not sure about anyone else but with Fall comes the expectation of schedules, back to school shopping and a million and one other things that I just don't have to deal with as much in the summer.  Life falls back into routine and there seems to be much more of an expectations that things will get done, where as I don't feel that pressure in the summer.  Not that things get thrown to the way side, but I definitely feel like I can put things off more than I do.
I embrace the chaos of back to school and routine because it helps me to get life back on track.  No

My Oldest daughter headed off to her
2nd day of the first grade.

more lazy days of nothing to do.  No more relaxing on the couch watching movies or Saturday morning cartoons.  With back to school is also back to afternoon and weekend activities.  It means meal planning and making sure that there's a meal in the crockpot or something made I can quickly throw on the stove or in the microwave to heat up after a long day out and about.
With the chaos of after school activities it means being more flexible about nap time and less flexible about my cleaning schedule and activities for the youngest.  It means making sure I take the car for an oil change and get gas before I "need" to and it means checking the calendars and making sure I didn't miss anything.  It means putting the girls needs above my own and scheduling appointments for them and making time for them to have "down time" and "screen free" time.
Expectations, back to school, fall, schedules - while for some it is a sad time, for me, it is welcome.  It gives me something to look forward to and reminds me of why I enjoy being a mom.  Not that I don't enjoy being a mom in the summer, but I kind of thrive on the busy-ness of life and less on the chaotic fun of summer.

A Place To Be

Summer is pretty much over here in New England.  While I love fall with it's gorgeous leaves, cooler temps and of course the pumpkin spice, I am also sad that it's here.  Summers are too short and always seem to end so abruptly.  The typical New England summer starts mid-June and it seems like it ends right on Labor Day.
This year we were invited to our neighbors grandparents home in Rhode Island, about a 2 hour drive away, to hang out and go to the beach.  It was quite fun but I am NOT a beach person.  I would love to be one, but I'm not.  I'm paranoid enough when my girls are running around swimming pools, let alone when they want to boogie board and swim in the ocean.  Lydia and I enjoyed the surf and the sand from our beach blankets while the girls had a blast making sand castles and playing in the waves.
Being at the house near the ocean reminded me of why I want a small shack by the beach.  Even if it's small and only has 2 bedrooms, a living area and kitchen it would still be a fun place to congregate and have friends and family to.  I've often thought that the bigger beach homes are a bit over rated but a small cottage would definitely be a fun place to spend summer nights with friends while the kids sleep all bunked out in one room.  As long as there's a place for the kids to run around and enough room for a few sleeping bags on the floor, and an area for a fire pit who really needs a huge place?
My neighbors say they would rather just go to a hotel but for me, having that place we could go and invite people to join us at would be ideal.  We try to do that with our home now but I think people feel like they're intruding where as with a beach house or lake house it would be a welcome intrusion.  People could do their own thing during the day and then meet back at night for dinner or ice cream.  The expectation of visiting and being "stuck" would not be there as I think it's almost expected with a beach house that you'll be off on your own.  And if you choose not to be, it would be so relaxed that it would be ok... no one is stuck or forced and there would be no hard feelings if someone chose to nap instead of partaking in conversation.
Maybe that's just my idealized version of a beach house and what it should be there for... or really any vacation experience.  Maybe what's in my head is never truly the reality that will be, but this is how I would want it to be.  I'll keep dreaming...

The Struggle is Real

Mom guilt.  The struggle is real.  If you've ever worked full time or even part time while trying to balance life with kids and your husband or if you've ever been a stay at home mom who is no longer contributing monetarily to the household budget or if you've ever bottle fed or didn't baby wear or whatever, the mom shaming and the mom guilt is of control.  Like seriously out of control.
I have dealt with it and I know other moms who struggle with it.  Sometimes it feels like it's all in your head and then someone comes up to you and you say something and they just nod and you know they are judging you.  You just know.  Because they are.  With that little nod of the head they have given themselves away and you are left feeling guilty.
If you aren't a mom, you've probably heard the term "mom shaming" and thought it's just a made up thing.  But I can promise you, it's not.  There are countless articles about it, there are letters written about it, there are Dear Abby posts and blog posts and a million and other things that come up when you search the term in Google.  Mom shaming is a thing and mom guilt is a direct result of it.
The reason I am even mentioning mom guilt is because often I associate my mom guilt with money.  Funny how that works huh?  But I do.  My mom guilt is often tied, very much so, to my bank account or my credit card balance.  It is directly tied to how much money I am spending on myself.  It is directly tied to how much money I make on any given day and how much money I don't make on any given day.  It is tied to how much I spend, how much I make and how much I don't make.
I am sure that I am not the only person to ever experience this.
As a working mom I felt guilty for not spending enough time with my children.  Now I feel guilty for not being able to give them enough experiences or for spending too much money on them or for not spending enough money on them.  I feel guilty for not working out in the world and having them see me out in the workforce balancing home and career.
There are so many things that I worry about and feel guilty about but I want to assure you - mom guilt is not a good reason not to take care of ourselves.  It is not a good reason to go back to work.  It is not a good reason to try to do everything.  Mom guilt is the reason we need to take care of ourselves.  It is the reason we need to take time for ourselves and spend  a little bit of money on ourselves and need to forgive ourselves.  We are not perfect.  We will never be perfect.  Trying to live up to others standards is not going to help us to live a better life.  In fact, if anything it just adds on to the already large pile of guilt that's already accumulated.
So forgive yourself.  Move on and the next time someone says something like, "when are you going to go back to work full time?" simply nod your head because they just don't get it and think "when are you going to get that I love my life just as it is?" and redirect the conversation.

What's Your Favorite?

My new favorite podcast is HerMoney with Jane Chatzky. I never thought that I'd be as in like with a podcast as I am with this one.  And yes, I did say "in like."
Usually when I tune into a podcast I like it because of the host or because I feel like I'm gaining knowledge that I can't get elsewhere.  In this case it's a bit of both.  I truly like the host and I feel like she's sharing information that needs to be shared.
Obviously you have to take any information that is given and see if it checks out since it is endorsed by Fidelity Investments, but for the most part the information is solid.  One of the things that truly hooked me was her interview with Dave Ramsey and Rachel Cruz.  I personally am a graduate of Financial Peace University and Rachel Cruz is one of my new favorite people.
Most of the interviews she does are not actually about money yet, it does come into the conversation and it's an interesting listen when cleaning the house or running errands.
What's your favorite podcast?  I have a few other favorites but this one is currently in the top 3.  Let me know in the comments what you're listening to.

It Was Miserable

As a full time working mom there were so many things that I was unable to do although I was monetarily contributing to the household income.  I remember the week before I quit my job looking at my bank account and thinking how much I loved having the cushion and the flexibility to buy what I wanted when I wanted and not have to talk it over.  I bought Kyle a TV for Christmas one year and an Xbox 360 another.  I enjoyed spoiling Emma and purchasing things for my family when the need arose.  

But I also remember how stressed out I was.  How much I hated my job.  How much I hated being away from my daughter and trying to keep up with the housekeeping and put nutritious food on the table.  I remember feeling trapped.  Yes, it was nice to have money but at what cost?  My sanity?  Probably not worth it.  

So I quit.  I gave my notice and less than 2 weeks later I was finished.  

My bank account currently has the least amount it has ever had in it.  I no longer can just buy what I want or spoil the girls or buy Kyle the latest and greatest.  We now have to talk about finances and talk about expenses and talk about budgets.  It's all... rather depressing.  

But, there is an upside.  While not contributing to the budget monetarily there are things we are saving money on - such as full time day care, housekeeping, eating out (I cook now!) and take out.  We save on gas since I'm no longer commuting.  

Being a stay at home mom has it's own issues but I think every mom, whether working or not, has to deal with their own.  I felt guilty and frustrated not being able to be home.  I felt guilt and frustrated not being able to give 100% of myself to my job in the way I once had.  I felt like I was constantly calling into work.  Kyle traveled a lot the first year we had Emma and I remember she always seemed to get sick the day or two after he was gone.  It was miserable.  

Remember that there are two sides to every coin.  Having money verses not having money can be a difficult pill to swallow. Sometimes it is easier to let go of something if you have no other option - which is how I felt at the time.   No matter what stage of life you are in or where you decide to devote yourself or how you contribute to the family, it is important to remember that you are still contributing.